Just as a recap, my question from a couple of Friday shows ago was about how I can tackle hyper-independence as a woman when it doesn't stem from hatred of men, as I would like to marry and have children, but had concerns that this defense mechanism or strategy would get in the way. I mentioned that I don't think I hate men despite watching my mother get literally kicked out by my father with nothing, because that is what I literally witnessed, not because I have any illusions about the failure of either parents, which is mostly thanks to you and your show.
I have no contact with either of my parents now. I'm in therapy for the third and, hopefully, last time over the course of my adult life because I keep finding myself in repetitious cycles which often have echoes of the past and leave me wondering why or how I miss or ignore certain things.
It's challenging not to feel deflated at such times because I worry more that I'll become or end up similar to my mother. The best I've been able to come up with my inner Stef is that I have a fear of ending up "under the thumb of immoral people" and having to self-censor like I did through my childhood and much of my adult life simply because I'm not able to provide for myself financially. The solution I thought of from a relationship or spouse standpoint is to find someone who is virtuous, with integrity, loyal, so I won't have to worry about repeating my parents' marriage or living with people whose morals and values don't align with mine.
The purpose of my call is mainly to find out if there is an underlying hatred of men that I've missed and should focus my attention on. And if that isn't the case, get any advice from real-life Stef on how I truly break out of the hyper-self-reliant mindset and recognize more quickly when a negative cycle is repeating itself in my life.
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