I hope this mail reaches you well! I'm a 36 year old man and I have been together with my 34 year old wife for over 4 years. We got married 1,5 years ago and have been living together for a bit longer than that. Since we met our lives have been completely designed to start a family, as soon as possible. This has been the biggest wish for both of us for a long time. Every decision in the last couple of years was made with this in the back of our minds.
In the months after our marriage we noticed that we were having trouble conceiving. Since we didn't want to waste any time we went to a fertility clinic as soon as possible to see where the issues lie. After almost a year of testing and uncertainty we recently found out that I am suffering from a case of premature male infertility. The reason for this is still a mystery and it seems like we are nearing the end of possible tests and treatments that medicine can provide.
We are both having a very hard time accepting this fact and don't know how to move on from this point. We have differing opinions on possibilities for the future (or lack thereof) and how to move on from this point. I personally feel responsible for this burden and have lost my positive outlook on life. I'm struggling to find meaning in life without the possibility of starting our own family. I am very worried about my thought patterns of late, where it feels like life itself has suddenly lost all value. I frequently have suicidal thoughts and, even though I know better than to act on them, they scare me intensely. Everything I used to enjoy seems irrelevant and meaningless now, and I'm just going through the motions of everyday life. To make matters worse, it feels like this verdict is tearing us apart as a couple, since we can't seem to agree on how to move forward.
I hope you can help us on the path of resolving our issues and finding a positive way forward, or at least how to be able to carry this burden. Thank you for all your great work!
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