Dear Stefan Molynieux
I am writing because my partner is legally separated but doesn't want to get a divorce from his ex wife of 6 years and it is making me feel resentment and angst in our relationship.
We have been together just over two years and living together for 6 months. Our relationship otherwise is amazing. We share dreams that we are already working towards achieving such as starting a farm and building a house. We both have kids from our past relationships and I feel like we can successfully communicate about co-parenting struggles and healthily communicate about concerns we have with each other as they arise. He is my best friend and the person I spend most if not all of my time with. We have an amazing sex life and are both very attracted to one another.
I have brought up the topic of him getting a divorce multiple times and we worked together on the paperwork and submitted it. There were some hurdles related to a child support affidavit form and the papers were returned incomplete early this year. We have not worked on it again since.
I have tried to reflect on why it bothers me so much he is not divorced and have come to the conclusion whether rational or not, that I feel like I am "second best". I am not sure how to overcome this. I initially thought it was related to jealousy but am not so sure that is the case.
We live in a small town and I encounter his ex spouse frequently in passing during the week. It brings up a tingling of resentment at every crossing of paths and is making me resentful even in occasions where he attends his child's shared birthday party, even though I know it shouldn't.
I am otherwise a reasonable, calm and confident person albeit with a very stubborn streak. This is something my partner also shares. As it relates to this discussion, he states that divorce is just a government piece of paper and that it doesn't matter to him. I have acknowledged this and rebutted with the fact that for whatever reason it does matter to me.
I will continue to try tactics and let this go as I don't want something so stupid to affect our otherwise great relationship but I am struggling...