"I'm a 25 year old male and before i go into specifics I need to warn you that I'm an idiot, and yes I have been avidly watching your shows I even called into the show a couple times and donated/read your books even more. I'm an idiot who knows what I need to do, but refuses to do it. and that's why I'm here. I don't know how to face the pain in my life. My fears, my anxieties, my trauma. I can do it for a couple seconds, but just like staring at the sun, it doesn't take long until I look away. I'm calling myself an idiot partially out of self-hate but mostly because I legitimately feel like that word matches any description of me. I'm more than eager to talk about doing it, fantasize doing it, plan on doing it, but actually doing it? never. I've lied to myself, fooled myself into thinking I was facing it before, but all I was doing was tricking myself out of doing the hard work and the simple thing I always should have done. I'm an overthinker. When everyone else is playing checkers, I'm playing chess. I'm more ashamed at the fact I've waited this long to change than anything else. But not just that, it's that I knew what I needed but I was too much of a coward to face it this entire time. A great example would be my training. unless it's easy, convenient, and forgettable, like a nice walk, I never manage to keep up any kind of physical training I find myself looking at the gym or a set of weights, and thinking about how much it would hurt, and how easy it would be to put it off, and how my motivation was already burnt out after the first month or so... I begin asking myself why I'm doing this anyways if I didn't actually want to better myself and the obvious answer comes up that I never actually cared about my physical health i was just doing what I always do, managing my anxieties. When they've been properly managed, there's no reason to do it anymore. I like to think discipline is just self-love plus self-commitment in action, but what do I know?
"I want to learn how to face the things I'd rather not face. In the real world. I want to face these pains. My fears. My anxieties, and whatever trauma I might have too. I don't know how. or maybe I'm such a coward I don't want to know how or recall how. I'm tired of anxiety paralyzing me, clouding my mind, and making me feel like crap. Whenever I try to face it, I just end up numbing myself to everything. I need to face it, feel it, let it pass through me. address every ounce of it, but there's so much, and I've neglected myself for so long, I don't know how to face it. Maybe it just take willpower and a little grace. I'd like to think I know how to let go and just surrender myself to my emotions and calm down for a second, but if I did I probably wouldn't be here. I don't feel like someone who should be doing this and not paying for it, if you want to talk I'd be more than happy to donate something serious to your cause. A part of me feels like this is stupid and I'm just wasting your time, because only I can change my life. The only thing you or anyone else can do is provide guidance and enlightenment. and for a long time, I've felt like I've been enlightened to everything already about myself, that my issue is just a simple one of inaction. But maybe it isn't. I don't know.
"Hope this message finds you well, if you're interested please let me know."
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